CALMING RESOURCES  

Frustration, disappointment, sadness, anxiety, embarrassment and anger are very tough feelings for children to process much less know how to deal with. Helping children identify their feelings and teaching them effective coping strategies are paramount. Often children throw fits, lash out, lie, steal, and act out as a result of not having the necessary skills to handle these big emotions.  Parents and caregivers are instrumental in helping children learn how to cope. 

Right now, we all are experiencing a barrage of tough feelings and emotions. Taking a moment to take a few deep breaths and remembering to employ calming strategies always makes a big difference. When you do this, you are being a shining example of resiliency.

Using a calming or mind jar is a great way to explain to a child what happens in their mind when they get worried, upset, angry and or frustrated. Consider making a mind jar with your child and using it to talk about difficult feelings and how to calm down in order to deal more effectively with the feelings and thoughts.  

During calm times, work to help children identify different feelings and model good coping strategies. In November’s guidance lesson, we learned three healthy calming strategies.  First, we discussed elevator breathing.  This is simply a visual way for children to grasp the concept of deep breathing. In addition, we practiced counting down and push, pull, dangle.  All of these techniques give our children an opportunity to take a few moments to gather themselves instead of “popping their top”.  We used the book, Soda Pop Head by Julia Cook to introduce these positive coping strategies. Ask your child to demonstrate these strategies and encourage them to practice.

Right now, every one could benefit from practicing calming strategies. I'd encourage you to try a variety as each person, even our children, will have preferences on what activities calm them. Check out this list of 50 Calm-Down  Ideas to Try with Kids of All Ages from our friends at GoZEN!

For some more resources on dealing with tough feelings, check out the following websites.

The Center for Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning 
Check out the Family Tools section

Helping Kids Identify and Express Feelings     
Another great resource worth reviewing is the book by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive. Here is a great point, Use the logic of left-brain to make sense out of feelings in the right. Simply telling our children to "calm down" or "stop crying" is not an effective way to help them through what Dr. Bryson calls "emotional tsunamis." Acknowledge what feeling they are experiencing and express that you are sorry they are hurting. As they become calmer, ask them to explain what upset them and help guide them through their story, while determining what triggered the meltdown.