BULLYING OR CONFLICT  

Bullying happens. It happens to our children and it happens to us adults. Bullying cannot be tolerated. Unfortunately, society uses this term to describe just about any situation in which someone says or does something hurtful. Overuse of the term “bullying” negates the seriousness of the issue.

In an effort to educate our children and stop bullying, we must understand the different types of hurtful behaviors and teach our children the correct terminology. We also must help our children learn how to handle conflict. Conflict is a natural part of interacting with others. Sometimes, conflict can lead to bullying, or the use of force or threat to abuse and aggressively dominate someone else.

Children who understand the terms, use them correctly and have strategies to cope with conflict will be more resilient and healthier.

At MVES, we teach children the following terms:


Conflict is not the same as bullying. PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center offers some great information regarding the difference between conflict and bullying.

       Conflict is a disagreement or argument in which both sides express their views.

       Bullying is negative behavior directed by someone exerting power and control over another person.

Bullying is done with a goal to hurt, harm, or humiliate. With bullying, there is often a power imbalance between those involved, with power defined as elevated social status, being physically larger, or as part of a group against an individual. Students who bully perceive their target as vulnerable in some way and often find satisfaction in harming them.

In normal conflict, children self-monitor their behavior. They read cues to know if lines are crossed, and then modify their behavior in response. Children guided by empathy usually realize they have hurt someone and will want to stop their negative behavior. On the other hand, children intending to cause harm and whose behavior goes beyond normal conflict will continue their behavior even when they know it's hurting someone.

October is National Bully Prevention Month. The school counselor will teach students in grades 2-4 a lesson regarding Be a Buddy Not a Bully where the above terms are discussed. Students in Kindergarten and First grade are learning about handling conflict with Kelso’s Choices. In addition, all students are encouraged to wear ORANGE on National Unity Day. MVES is a Pacer’s Champion Against Bullying school. We want to help our children learn and use the correct terminology to effectively STOMP OUT BULLYING.

Do you need help in determining is it bullying? Here is a wonderful free flowchart entitled, Is It Bullying? created by the Guidance Alliance to help students and parents assess if the situation is bullying. Bullying is a big problem. Together we can solve it.